Emotions

Why do I feel this way? Why, having developed all the experience and introspective self observational tools over the years,am I not able to control myself? Why is it that I think about her and drown in the infinite melancholy, even though I know its a potentially damaging state?

Because there is something that lives in me. Some emotion. Which developed out of nowhere. Through my rational and intuitive processes. No matter how hard I try , I cannot control it.I cannot diminish it. I cannot change it.
The only thing I can do is stay away from her. So that this part of me is incapacitated by lack of activity, and slowly go into a lull. Hopefully even wither away in some dark corner of me.
But as of now, everytime I see her, it burns even more brightly. Her thoughts serve as oil for this fire. and it dances. and every time she refers to her boyfriend, or every thought of  her with him, tortures this part.
and both these processes make it alive once again.

I should realise by now that theres no way my rational and introspective abilities can control it. Modify or extuingish these emotions. The only way out is to keep it dormant, and hope that it will erode and diminish, bit by bit.